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Grade 5 ng mag-simula ako. Bago pa yun, nagre-request na ako magkaroon ako ng salamin, akala ko kasi “cool” tapos, nakaka-talino nga tignan. Yung bestfriend ko kasi noon nung nasa Manila pa ako, nagsasalamin eh akong inggitero gusto ko din. Naalala ko pa yung sinabi sakin, “Akala mo madali lang yan? Ba, pasalamat ka di nagsusuot ng ganito.” Grade 4 ako nun.
Kasagsagan ko ng grade 5 (Nandito na ko sa Olongapo non) napapansin ng mga kaklase ko na hindi ko makita yung nasa blackboard pag nasa likod ako. Kailangan tuloy parati akong nakaupo sa harap. Kahit ang tangkad ko nun tapos maraming hindi makita dahil nakaharang ako, wala akong pakialam.
Isinama lang ako ng math teacher ko dahil parang may program ng libreng pasalamin nun sa isa pang school. Doon ko nalaman na 150-150 na pala ang grado ng mata ako. 2 weeks bago ko nakuha, tapos yun. Yun na yung una kong salamin. Bilog pa yun tapos ang baduy tignan. Syempre hindi ko pansin that time.
Hanggang sa ilang taon ang nagdaan. Naiba ng naiba ang salamin ko. Kada pagawa ko ng salamin, tumataas yung grado. 150, 200, 250, 300.. hanggang ngayon 450-450 na. Baka nga mas mataas na ngayon dahil matagal na kong hindi nakakapag-pacheck up.
Akala ko dati, cool. Ang hirap pala. Parang wala akong mata pag di ko suot. Bulag na ko sa gabi, hindi na nakakakilala ng mukha. Hindi ko na din makita yung nasa computer. Inisip ko mag-contacts, kaya lang hindi na ata pwede pag ganito ang grado.
Isang itong love letter sa mottong “Be careful what you wish for.”
Dear Past Me,
First of all, I want to congratulate you because you have passed the childish-slash-jejemon-slash-immature phase. You don’t know how embarrassed I am seeing the things you’ve did. I was thinking like “What the f? Did I really do that?” Then again, you are young and I understand you. We all go to that stage.
Second, I want to say that I miss you. Yes being mature is good and all, but I kinda miss being a happy-go-lucky guy who doesn’t give a rat ass to anything. I miss your sense of humor and cheerfulness. I really need you now. You know what? I kinda envy you. You seems to have no problem. I mean, if there was it can be solve with a simple thing. All you have to think is getting your assignment done, or having to pass your project on time. You don’t have to worry whether your hair looks like a toupee, or that you have pimples. or that you’re too thin that you look likes the kid in The Diary of the wimpy kid.
I envy you that you find friends effortlessly, and when they leave, it doesn’t hurt you that much. Wounds are so much easier for you, since all you need is an alcohol, cotton and band-aid.
Finally, I just have to warn you. Everything’s different now. You can never heal your wounds with just band-aids and cotton. There will be other reason for you to sleep late. People will to hurt you and the best shield you could have is by being strong. They will hurt you that’s for sure, and unconsciously, you’ll hurt them too.
And oh again, I miss you.
Sincerely,
Present Me
I am the living proof of Irony. I hate and love at the same time. I despise some actions but do some of it unconsciously. I’m a sarcasm that doesn’t make sense. I am law that violates it’s own rule.
Funny thing is, my greatest fear in life is to be alone, but I prefer to be alone most of the time. I seek friends; their love, affection, sympathy, care. But when I have one, I have the tendency to push them away. I don’t know. I seek love, but when it’s front me, I suddenly lose all the guts and run away.
No matter how brave people think I am because of how I act around them, being joyful, hyper, happy-go-lucky, joker; I’m still the scared and naive kid inside. People always run to me to seek for advices, but in reality, I’m the one who needs advice, bigtime. I encourage people to be happy, to be inspired, but I can’t even be like that. I’m like a sick doctor who gives prescription to his patient. Forgive me.
It’s just hard when people don’t understand you, but it’s a lot worse when you don’t understand yourself.
Ang hirap mag tumblr kapag internet shop ka lang nagsusurf. Bawat letrang tinitipa mo sinusuyod ng mga usiserong mata ng mga taong nasa likod mo. Parang nakakabastos ng privacy at sa parehong pagkakataon ay nakakahiya.
Mabuti na lang at trenta minutos lang ako nung huli kong online, dahil hindi ko din na-enjoy. Ni mag-ta ay hindi ko magawa dahil nahihiya ako. Kaya ang ginawa ko, nagtype na lang ako sa bahay ko para pag nag online simpleng copy paste na lang ang post.
Kamusta na kayo? Masyado na talaga akong busy, sa sobrang busy ko nararamdaman kong nalalayo na din ako sa mga espisipikong tao. Ilan ay nasa tumblr, yung mga taong yun na lang ang meron ako dahil yung mga kakilala ko sa personal at sa school ay wala na akong balita.
Pakiramdam ko dayuhan na lang ako na bago tuwing nag oonline ako dito. Hindi na maka-relate, wala na halos kilala (at nakakakilala) Walang makausap, walang mai-post. Para bang nag oonline nalang para i-check ang account.
Masyado mang cliche pero heto: Nakakamiss nga ang dati. Nakakamiss nung masaya pa ang tumblr, masaya pa rin naman ata ngayon, siguro para sa iba. Nakakamiss kasi solid pa dati. Kaibigan kung kaibigan talaga, nakakamiss din ang mga long-text posts, (writers, no offense) pero nung mga panahong iyon ay nasasabi pa ang gustong sabihin.. in plain words. Walang pakialaman ng sinasabi. Para kasing ngayon, nakakauta na din ang mga rants. Rants na paulit-ulit at nakakasawa. Pero ano bang magagawa ko, eh hindi naman ako may hawak nito. Ganun talaga.
Meet-up na lang ata ang nilu-look forward ko. Kahit man lang sana doon, maramdaman ko yung Tumblr. Pero kahit ganito kahit papaano, okay na din. Hindi na ako ganoong attached sa tumblr. Hindi na tulad ng dati na nadedeppressed ako pag hindi nakakapag online, hindi nakakapag-post, madaming naga-unfollow. Okay na rin to kahit papaano. May oras na ako para sa sarili ko, ay este wala pa din pala. Napunta lahat sa trabaho.
“Wow, blogger!”
Nahihiya ako sabihin na blogger ako, nahihiya akong ipakita yung page ko pag hindi siya taga-tumblr. Nahihiya kasi akong makita nila yung laman. Baka, mabaduyan lang sila o kaya, di makasakay, o sabihin, “Yan na yung bina-blog mo? Pssh.”
Tuwing nagta-tumblr ako sa opisina, sinisigurado kong walang nakakakita. Eh nung kailan meron palang nasa likod ko, ang sarap pa ng pagta-tumblr ko, sabi niya “Wow, blogger!” Tapos niloko ko na lang na kunyari tinatakpan ko yung computer para hindi niya makita, pero nahihiya talaga ako nun. Tapos sabi niya “Sus, bakit naman ayaw mo ipakita? Ayos nga yan eh.” Pero nahihiya pa din talaga ako. Baka kung anong jeje sa atin yun yung matino sa kanila, tapos yung matino natin, yun yung jeje sa kanila.
Dear Past Me,
First of all, I want to congratulate you because you have passed the childish-slash-jejemon-slash-immature phase. You don’t know how embarrassed I am seeing the things you’ve did. I was thinking like “What the f? Did I really do that?” Then again, you are young and I understand you. We all go to that stage.
Second, I want to say that I miss you. Yes being mature is good and all, but I kinda miss being a happy-go-lucky guy who doesn’t give a rat ass to anything. I miss your sense of humor and cheerfulness. I really need you now. You know what? I kinda envy you. You seems to have no problem. I mean, if there was it can be solve with a simple thing. All you have to think is getting your assignment done, or having to pass your project on time. You don’t have to worry whether your hair looks like a toupee, or that you have pimples. or that you’re too thin that you look likes the kid in The Diary of the wimpy kid.
I envy you that you find friends effortlessly, and when they leave, it doesn’t hurt you that much. Wounds are so much easier for you, since all you need is an alcohol, cotton and band-aid.
Finally, I just have to warn you. Everything’s different now. You can never heal your wounds with just band-aids and cotton. There will be other reason for you to sleep late. People will to hurt you and the best shield you could have is by being strong. They will hurt you that’s for sure, and unconsciously, you’ll hurt them too.
And oh again, I miss you.
Sincerely,
Present Me
Is it weird that sometimes I have this urge to hug the person that I’m talking to? Irregardless of who that person is?
Pag sobrang bait talaga ng tao, prone na magustuhan ko. Kahit ano pa yung itsura. Minsan nga kahit hindi ko pa nakikita, nagugustuhan ko agad pag sobrang bait sa akin.
Hindi na ako nagrereply pag “Ah” yung reply sa akin ng tao, sa kagayang paraan ng hindi na ako nag-aabala pang lumapit pa pag nakita kong wala rin naman akong kwenta sa tao.
Hindi naman talaga ako nakakalimot, nahihiya lang akong kausapin ka baka hindi mo na kasi ako kilala.
Bucket list:
- Watch the Hunger games movie.
- Buy boots.
- Buy a monthly stock of breads and wafer.
- Read Catcher in the Rye and Mockingjay.
- Get the internet reconnected.
- Get my paycheck.
- Find a stable job.
- Save money.
- Study again, but shift to another course.
- Take a writing major.
- Take a film major.
- Be a writer, columnist, novelist, scriptwriter.
- Write a book.
- Produce a film.
- Go to Las Vegas and visit my Dad.
- Go to France and eat whatever I want.
- Eat a bigmac.
- Eat at the underwater restaurant somewhere in Venice.
- Ride an Airplane.
- Join a televised game show.
- Gain weight.
- Perfect my grammars.
- Find a friend that’ll stay.
- Learn how to dance.
- Have fun.
Call boy chronicles.
Matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nakapagkwento tungkol sa nangyayari sa buhay ko, I mean, yung mismong kumpletong kwento na mahabaan. Nakakamiss din, masyado na kong nagtuon sa pagpopost ng kunwa-kunwariang may sense kahit wala naman. Sa ngayon, nangangati ang likod ko dahil sa sobrang init ata. Putol na ang internet sa bahay, pero nandito ako sa Villa nila Alexis kaya nakakapag internet ako.
Panggabi na ulit ako dahil nalipat ako sa umaga nun dahil naging encoder na ko diba, kaso ayun, naghati-hati kami ng kapwa ko encoders sa 3 shift at pinili ko ang 9pm-6am para makasabay ko si Alexis, alam ko naman kasing gustong-gusto niya yun. Tapos, kanina lang kami nagsimula ng trabaho sa encoding, nakakaurat dahil nakakalito sa umpisa, pero unti-unti magagamay mo naman. Mabilis nga ko eh, ang problema lang yung pc kasi ang bagal. Biruin mo ba naman, 3 browser ang nakabukas, tapos 8 tabs sa isang browser, 24 tabs yun lahat-lahat. Kaya time-consuming talaga yung paglo-load eh. Eh may quota pa naman na binigay samin, pero sa ngayon hindipa applicable dahil umpisa pa lang kami. Kaya, okay okay naman.
Medyo bihira na ko makakapag-tumblr ngayon, baka pokus-pokus muna ko sa trabaho, since wala din namang net sa bahay, kaya wala din akong magagawa. Hindi ko din nama nmapapansin yun dahil halos 12 hours wala ako sa bahay. If ever naman na nakakapuslit ako ng pagba-browse sa office, sumasaglit ako sa tumblr. Pero basa-basa lang ng message, tapos sagot-sagot. Ayun.
I’m already missing you guys, sa mga may number ko text niyo na lang ako dun tayo mag-usap. Tapos sa wala pa, hingin niyo na lang kung gusto niyo [feeler here]. Ayun, kaya baka matutulog muna ako ngayon dahil tulog din si Alexis e.
Sayang, hindi na ko callboy eh, typing boy na. Okay lang, Pogi pa din naman ako. [asa]
I am the living proof of Irony. I hate and love at the same time. I despise some actions but do some of it unconsciously. I’m a sarcasm that doesn’t make sense. I am law that violates it’s own rule.
Funny thing is, my greatest fear in life is to be alone, but I prefer to be alone most of the time. I seek friends; their love, affection, sympathy, care. But when I have one, I have the tendency to push them away. I don’t know. I seek love, but when it’s front me, I suddenly lose all the guts and run away.
No matter how brave people think I am because of how I act around them, being joyful, hyper, happy-go-lucky, joker; I’m still the scared and naive kid inside. People always run to me to seek for advices, but in reality, I’m the one who needs advice, bigtime. I encourage people to be happy, to be inspired, but I can’t even be like that. I’m like a sick doctor who gives prescription to his patient. Forgive me.
It’s just hard when people don’t understand you, but it’s a lot worse when you don’t understand yourself.
